Change

I think it’s interesting how people change. I took the Myers-Briggs test about two years ago and got ESTP. Now I am INFJ. That is exactly opposite of what I was. My dance teacher from high school promised us we would change in college. I guess she was right.

Fall is the most interesting time of year. It’s a gloomier time, with less sun and more rain, but it’s also energizing. I really like nighttime, and fall is the season of night. With the leaves falling and it getting colder, it makes me think of my childhood. Raking leaves, going on long bike rides through the woods, starting the fireplace. I really like fall. It’s always been a lot of fun for me.

One thing that has changed is my living arrangements. Most notably I’m not living at home anymore, and for the past two years, I lived with one other person and it was very easy to avoid them (strangely enough).

It’s been interesting living with really close friends this year. I can’t hide anything from the three of them, and I can’t decide if that’s a good thing. When I was younger I had some pretty rough days, but instead of sharing my struggles with anyone else, I would lock myself in my room, stare at a mirror and talk to myself for hours until I had figured everything out. Some nights were impossible, but I made it through.

Now that I can’t simply run into my room and pretend to be sleeping, my whole approach to dealing with things has been forced to change. Even if I try to keep it to myself that never lasts long. Within the hour all my roommates hear the whole thing and attempt to help. Sometimes it does help, sometimes it only makes me feel even more overwhelmed. I like letting others into my life, but it had consequences.

For one, I’m not used to people analyzing me. They aren’t mean but I’d sometimes rather not have to completely explain and defend myself. I also think I scare them sometimes. But if they saw how I was when I was younger I don’t think they would be so concerned for me now. I am a lot better now.

Having them witness and know of every little bump in my life makes it seem like I’m having more bad days, more struggles than before. But I don’t think this is the case. It’s just that before the only person who knew was me, and if I forgot about it, or didn’t see it as a big deal anymore, then there was no one else around to remind me.

I like living with them. We have a lot of fun, and they can handle my breakdowns. And maybe it’s just because it’s fall, but living with them makes me feel like I’m living with my family.