Monday, October 26, 2009

Behind the veil of humanity

“There is no greater veil than the human face.”- Fr. Chris Martin

Sometimes I feel like the world is just so fake. Quick hi’s on campus, facebook comments, even dumb small talk, it all has elements of being really fake with people. Most of life is set up to where we must have these incredibly fake encounters with people, just so that the day goes on smoothly. Maybe its necessary, but I find it rude (even though its mostly subconscious) and a waste of time. If I feel the need to put on a show for you, how good of friends are we? How well do we really know each other?

I receive glimmers of realness from few people, and that’s who I call friends. But even then, sometimes, it is fake. It’s not my main thought in my head but I think sometimes: I don’t want to hurt their feelings, I don’t want to seem upset, I don’t really want to show them who I truly am, because, most of the time, I don‘t have the time or energy that that requires. And it works the same for them interacting with me. The few moments of authenticity (if they should even occur) mean so much to me, because so many of my encounters are very staged. The main motives behind the encounters are not, but the actions, the lines, are so contrived. Maybe this is why I don’t care to have many more “friends”. I don’t feel very close to the ones I have. I don’t want to put myself in more situations where I feel like the only appropriate thing to do is to just be fake. Granted, my brand of “fake”, as I’ve been told, is quite different than other people, so I guess I trick them into thinking that is really who I am. I’m fake and trick people. Highly desirable qualities in anyone, really.

And what's worse, is this idea that people have of me, is one they say they really like. “She’s so funny. She’s crazy. She’s so fun to be around” (all these statements also need to be checked for fakeness). It bothers me, because what they just witnessed is hardly anything of who I really am. And I like it when people have good impressions of me, and say nice things or whatever. But in truth, that’s not really me, just the person I decided to show you today. Am I scared to reveal my true self, knowing that others hardly ever reveal theirs? Is it more of not wanting anyone to see me, truly me, and instead hiding it away so that only I can enjoy it?

I admit, I do it freely. But maybe it’s because I don’t know any other way, all the while my face veils it all.


  1. Wow. I think it wouldn't be a stretch to say that most of us lived "veiled" lives.
    What do you suggest as an alternative?
    I think I've been wearing my veil so long I don't even know who I am without it. How do I fix this? Is it even possible?

  2. You say that you don´t have the time to show you real you, but I think that you have to spend more time planning you fake you. I think that reality is more complex, like CeeCee said, we don´t know who we are because we are affraid of what we can found. And in the oder hand, we don´t spend lot of time searching for our souls, how long did you spend alone thinking of what you like, do or didn´t do??
    CeeCee maybe spending time by yourself will guide you to find your rel you.
    (Sorry for my English is not my first language)

  3. Well, maybe we aren’t completely veiled. I think this post was a response to me feeling like I had to leave my “veil” on, and not really knowing how to take it off on command. I don’t think I’m entirely fake all the time, but I do catch myself doing it.

    Maybe just being aware that I have a veil that I like to put on is a good place to start in order to stop myself from wearing it. I like what “anonymous” said. I think figuring out what I like and don’t like and being comfortable around dissimilar people (which is the hard part) may also help. But really, I don’t know. Guess I’ll just have to see how it goes!