Random ramblings leading to (my attempt at) simplicity

Warning: these thoughts are very unorganized

I don’t think I’ve done a very good job this Advent. My goal of being anxiety-free has turned into depression. I haven’t kept up with meditations, or my reading or even going to daily Mass whenever I can. I did get to confession, but I need to go again. Still, I believe this Advent has been much closer to what an Advent is supposed to be.

In years past, Advent would consist of getting a chocolate calendar, then having to eat ten or so of the odd-shaped sweets because I had completely forgotten about it. We would always get to confession, but other than that and putting up lights and wrapping presents, Advent wasn’t anything special. Then Christmas would come and go.

Sometimes I worry that I won’t be able to sustain my spiritual life (see how I need help with the anxiety thing?). After this Advent, I’m not so worried about that anymore. If I ever hit a stale streak in my life, it is certainly because of my limited capacity and definitely not because that’s all there is. I’m also seeing how things don’t have to be complicated.

I like the child-like faith thing. It seems simple, easy. A child experiences things through innocent eyes. They may not understand everything perfectly, but they still see and experience the same thing. And perhaps because they aren’t thinking too deeply on things, they see what is truly happening, what is really important. If I could become like a child, maybe I’ll be able to be still and let others love me, and not question their motives.

Christmas is filled with a lot of meaning. Volumes of books can be written on the subject. The story alone is so profound that it would takes decades to contemplate the whole thing, and still would only scratch the surface of what it really is. But this isn’t the most important thing. Christmas is the start of a love story.

For now, I’m abandoning my plans and desires to understand God. This Christmas I pray to be emptied of everything so that I may be filled-up by Him. I want to start my love story.

May the birth of our Savior bring you peace and joy.