Sunday, May 24, 2009


I don't like feeling like I'm losing someone. It's like I just said "told you so" to myself. Ugh, I feel so messed up sometimes.

Getting to know someone is painful for me. Even just one personal conversation with you forever links me to you, and I could never forget. I have given at least a little of myself to you and you can do whatever you want with it. I hate thinking of all those people in my life I used to be close with or have great memories with and I couldn't even tell you where they are right now. There are so many. Maybe my problem is not being able to stop loving someone. And I know this as I'm meeting you, talking to you, hanging out with you. I also know it will end, just like all my past friends. It haunts me.

A friend of mine doesn't seem to have this problem. She is open, honest and herself with everyone she meets, even if it's someone in the cereal aisle. I wish I could be like that. Instead I find it almost impossible to be completely open with someone. On the very few occasions I have been, the connection fades with time and nothing really comes from it. And what was I expecting anyway? It just gets tiring bouncing from person to person, adding and subtracting friends, but none really staying constant. I can see why marriage and family are so important. They are supposed to be constant and close. I'm sort of in between families right now, and I can see how some people go crazy.


  1. Maybe God sends people into our lives for a short time so that we can find joy and consolation during that time. Maybe he takes them out of our lives to make room for new friends to come along. Perhaps some friends are meant to be with us for a long time and others are not. Ultimately everything and everyone will fade away, and we will stand face to face with God. He alone is our lasting joy and consolation.

    So, I say enjoy friends while they are here and enjoy new ones when they are gone. And who knows? All is not over yet. In the future some friends may return into your life without you ever expecting it. I've seen it in the lives of my parents, and in my other relatives.

  2. there a defintly negatives to both sides, and while just enjoying the friends you have is great advice I know its hard to follow. All I can say is I know what you mean, I push people away or hold them at arms length because I know they'll leave like all the others have done.
    I promise I'm here though, we arent super tight or talk everyday but I think that makes things better.. when time doesnt change how you are together

    Love you!