Monday, September 7, 2009

I miss you

I find myself missing a lot of people, and recently, those I am very close to. You get used to someone being in your life, and when that gets disrupted, for whatever reason, something isn’t right. You miss them. I think missing someone means they were special to you, and without them, you just can’t be the same.

Is it the knowledge that you can’t be with them? Or is it a sudden feeling of separation that makes me uncomfortable, which turns into “missing”?

Our culture says that it’s completely normal and even expected to miss those close to us. The knowledge that someone misses us also creates emotions that few other circumstances can do. By saying you miss someone, it implies that something is wrong and only that person’s presence can fix it. I admit my favorite letters to read at field training were the ones that went into great detail about just how much I was missed.

What is the point of missing someone anyway? It hardly does anything to change the situation. It kind of makes both persons involved feel wanted but at the same time helpless. It’s kind of messed up…

But I wonder, is missing someone a sign you don’t trust God? Or maybe I’m looking into it too much. Maybe we are supposed to miss people because it shows us how good God was to give us those people.

There are different levels in missing someone too. Physical separation is the most obvious, but I also find myself missing moments I’ve had with people. Such as having a great conversation and feeling really close to them. If we become to busy (or some other reason) and don’t have those same encounters anymore, I miss it. Then, there is the greatest level of “missing”: when someone you love has died. This is easily the hardest for me.

The death of my grandpa has had a great impact on me. When my grandma was in her final days, my grandpa never left her side. He would stay up with her all night, holding her hand, talking to her. Because of her stokes, she couldn’t speak anymore, so he spoke for her, recounting memories and telling her life story. They were married for 59 years and they saw the world together. He only cried when she was still alive. Once she was gone, he packed up her things, wanting to give most of them to me and my sister, and set up funeral arrangements. I’m sure he missed her, but he seemed to be ok with it.

When she died it wasn’t as hard as it is now. I didn’t have a real reason to be sad. She lived a great life, and most of all she had a husband that loved her to the very end. After she died, he was so strong. I couldn’t be sad if he didn’t seem to be. But when he fell sick and slowly reached the point where he couldn‘t recover, there wasn’t anyone by his side. Sure, my uncle and aunt would come and visit him a few times a week, but he didn’t have someone the way she did. I think about that a lot.

It is still hard to think of him as gone. I shouldn’t be so sad, I shouldn’t miss him so much. He is probably in heaven and is perfectly happy right now. So why do I miss him so much? Why do I miss anyone?


  1. It's interesting what you said, "By saying you miss someone, it implies that something is wrong and only that person's presence can fix it."

    I find that I miss people a lot, but that doesn't mean I am not okay without them. I often have trouble expressing the sentiment, "I miss you," because most of the time it translates to people as, "I can't live without you," or "I'm lost without you."

    I'm also not sure that missing someone is supposed to have a point. I think it's a natural feeling. But, I do wonder often whether it's worth it to express those feelings. When I try to say that I miss someone it always seems like they want to convince me rationally that I shouldn't miss them. Still, I want to say, "Just let me miss you. It's fine. I just need to say it out loud so I don't lose my mind."

    Also, I think there could be a link between a lack of trust in God and missing people too much. If I find I miss someone tons I can usually evaluate the situation and realize that I have too strong of an attachment to someone. That attachment usually forms because I am grasping at something (or someone) that I want rather than waiting for God to bless me with those things.

    Death is an interesting kind of missing. It seems to be different than all the other types because there is no doubt that God does not will a relationship with that individual at the present. If someone is alive, and simply isolated from you geographically, emotionally, etc. there is a great temptation to try to force your own will, rather than bowing to God's plan for separation at the moment. In death, we cannot force God's hand; that is, we have no way to let our missing effect any changes on God's plan. Perhaps it is this loss of control, in missing a deceased loved one, that is at once so painful, yet ultimately, so liberating.

  2. thanks ceecee. you make good points. sometimes though, when i need to say 'i miss you' out loud, it's really an attempt on my part to make them appear instantly. haha, it never works