I’m writing this post in honor of my roommate, Ashley Lynn Kovaleski. Upon discovering I have a blog, she immediately asked if I write about her. So I will.
Fact number one:
The first time Ashley farted in front of someone, her mother literally applauded her.
Fact number two:
Ashley likes songs, karaoke style. Tonight, her choice was the great 80’s classic, “Let’s get Physical”. It was a great rendition.
Fact number three:
Ashley knows what malapropism is. She learned it at her high school.
Fact number four:
Ashley gets hungry often in the middle of the night. But that doesn't mean she's actually awake.
Fact number five:
Ashley has a phobia of whips. Don’t ask.
Fact number six:
My life is great!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
I miss you
I find myself missing a lot of people, and recently, those I am very close to. You get used to someone being in your life, and when that gets disrupted, for whatever reason, something isn’t right. You miss them. I think missing someone means they were special to you, and without them, you just can’t be the same.
Is it the knowledge that you can’t be with them? Or is it a sudden feeling of separation that makes me uncomfortable, which turns into “missing”?
Our culture says that it’s completely normal and even expected to miss those close to us. The knowledge that someone misses us also creates emotions that few other circumstances can do. By saying you miss someone, it implies that something is wrong and only that person’s presence can fix it. I admit my favorite letters to read at field training were the ones that went into great detail about just how much I was missed.
What is the point of missing someone anyway? It hardly does anything to change the situation. It kind of makes both persons involved feel wanted but at the same time helpless. It’s kind of messed up…
But I wonder, is missing someone a sign you don’t trust God? Or maybe I’m looking into it too much. Maybe we are supposed to miss people because it shows us how good God was to give us those people.
There are different levels in missing someone too. Physical separation is the most obvious, but I also find myself missing moments I’ve had with people. Such as having a great conversation and feeling really close to them. If we become to busy (or some other reason) and don’t have those same encounters anymore, I miss it. Then, there is the greatest level of “missing”: when someone you love has died. This is easily the hardest for me.
The death of my grandpa has had a great impact on me. When my grandma was in her final days, my grandpa never left her side. He would stay up with her all night, holding her hand, talking to her. Because of her stokes, she couldn’t speak anymore, so he spoke for her, recounting memories and telling her life story. They were married for 59 years and they saw the world together. He only cried when she was still alive. Once she was gone, he packed up her things, wanting to give most of them to me and my sister, and set up funeral arrangements. I’m sure he missed her, but he seemed to be ok with it.
When she died it wasn’t as hard as it is now. I didn’t have a real reason to be sad. She lived a great life, and most of all she had a husband that loved her to the very end. After she died, he was so strong. I couldn’t be sad if he didn’t seem to be. But when he fell sick and slowly reached the point where he couldn‘t recover, there wasn’t anyone by his side. Sure, my uncle and aunt would come and visit him a few times a week, but he didn’t have someone the way she did. I think about that a lot.
It is still hard to think of him as gone. I shouldn’t be so sad, I shouldn’t miss him so much. He is probably in heaven and is perfectly happy right now. So why do I miss him so much? Why do I miss anyone?
Is it the knowledge that you can’t be with them? Or is it a sudden feeling of separation that makes me uncomfortable, which turns into “missing”?
Our culture says that it’s completely normal and even expected to miss those close to us. The knowledge that someone misses us also creates emotions that few other circumstances can do. By saying you miss someone, it implies that something is wrong and only that person’s presence can fix it. I admit my favorite letters to read at field training were the ones that went into great detail about just how much I was missed.
What is the point of missing someone anyway? It hardly does anything to change the situation. It kind of makes both persons involved feel wanted but at the same time helpless. It’s kind of messed up…
But I wonder, is missing someone a sign you don’t trust God? Or maybe I’m looking into it too much. Maybe we are supposed to miss people because it shows us how good God was to give us those people.
There are different levels in missing someone too. Physical separation is the most obvious, but I also find myself missing moments I’ve had with people. Such as having a great conversation and feeling really close to them. If we become to busy (or some other reason) and don’t have those same encounters anymore, I miss it. Then, there is the greatest level of “missing”: when someone you love has died. This is easily the hardest for me.
The death of my grandpa has had a great impact on me. When my grandma was in her final days, my grandpa never left her side. He would stay up with her all night, holding her hand, talking to her. Because of her stokes, she couldn’t speak anymore, so he spoke for her, recounting memories and telling her life story. They were married for 59 years and they saw the world together. He only cried when she was still alive. Once she was gone, he packed up her things, wanting to give most of them to me and my sister, and set up funeral arrangements. I’m sure he missed her, but he seemed to be ok with it.
When she died it wasn’t as hard as it is now. I didn’t have a real reason to be sad. She lived a great life, and most of all she had a husband that loved her to the very end. After she died, he was so strong. I couldn’t be sad if he didn’t seem to be. But when he fell sick and slowly reached the point where he couldn‘t recover, there wasn’t anyone by his side. Sure, my uncle and aunt would come and visit him a few times a week, but he didn’t have someone the way she did. I think about that a lot.
It is still hard to think of him as gone. I shouldn’t be so sad, I shouldn’t miss him so much. He is probably in heaven and is perfectly happy right now. So why do I miss him so much? Why do I miss anyone?
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Let me hit ya’ with ‘em
1
If I never had to call anyone again, I would be more than ok with that! Phone calls are so awkward, especially when you have to hang up. Even if it’s someone you know really well. “Ok, well, I’m going to go. Ok, talk to you later, I’ll see you soon. Have a good night, Bye. Good bye.” I want to leave the conversation on a good note, but the end always ruins it!! Phones suck!
2
Auburn football has returned. It’s nice to see all the alumni come back with their cute children and tasty food!
3
Why is it when people are drinking, all they talk about is drinking? I don’t mind alcohol, but being around people who are drinking is BORING! “Last weekend I had some beers with so and so”. “Oh, she doesn’t drink.” “I like Coors light better than Miller lite” “This one time, my friend got wasted and…”. I hope when I turn 21 I can come up with a bit more interesting topics of conversation.
4
Did you know it is illegal to brew your own beer in Alabama? That means I know quite a few persons doing unlawful things... Oh, the responsibility!
5
Disclaimer: These lists may not be every week, and I can’t promise 6 thoughts, because I may not be able to think of six things. And I don’t really like the number six.
6
Labor day is tomorrow! Sleep and no classes= great day!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Kindness and honesty
Do you remember the saying, I asked God for patience and he gave me opportunities to be patient instead (or something to that effect)? Yeah, today was just one obvious opportunity after another. My problem isn’t patience (or at least it’s not at the moment), but sharing my faith. Once upon not so long ago, I had so few conversations about religion (let alone my religion) that people didn’t even know I was Catholic. It just never came up, ever. Perhaps it’s because I’ve moved to Alabama, and I’m sure it’s because I have since completely surrounded myself with all things Catholic, but I find myself in random religious discussions all the time. It happens with (of course) my Catholic friends, most of my other friends, and even complete strangers. But I still feel like I miss opportunities all the time. Remaining silent, when I know I should speak, bringing it up when others are dancing around a topic. It’s something I’ve really been trying to work on. I’ve pledged to not pass up any more opportunities that present themselves.
Today was a pretty obvious opportunity. I was supposed to go swimming at 10am, but when I called to find out the open hours, I learned that we couldn’t go swimming until 11. This left me in my apartment for an hour essentially just waiting. Just then, I heard a knock on the door. It was the man who was going to fix our refrigerator. It had been leaking for a few days. He quickly diagnosed the problem as ice build up, which meant he would have to melt all the ice that had frozen in the drain. He was going to be here for the next 45 minutes or so.
He started light conversation by asking where everyone in the apartment was from. Never actually thinking about this before, I realized that all my roommates are from different states. He asked how we knew each other and I said we met at church. Thus, finding out we’re Catholic. The conversation led to military life, college life, then back to faith. And as he heated water and scraped out chunks of ice, he told me his entire story. About how lost he was in high school and really searching in college. About the people he meet that influenced his life and the directions they led him. He told me he decided he couldn’t be a Christian if he was hypocritical in his beliefs and actions, and that he wanted to give up because he felt he couldn’t truly follow Christ. After going through details of where his life led him, he ended up pentecostal (although he said he belongs to an independent church and not the pentecostal church). He told me the exact time and day that he was saved.
We didn’t debate really, which I don’t think I could really do with a total stranger, but I feel as though I did share my faith with him. I’m getting better at having normal conversations about these things, but I need to improve. One thing he said, that I really wish I would have responded to better, is that he wanted to go back to the teachings of Jesus. He didn’t want anything added or taken away from it, no traditions, just follow what Jesus taught.
I thought of what I should have said later (and I will share as an attempt to redeem myself). Traditions should be looked at to make sure they have merit, but to do away with them just because they are traditions is wrong. Traditions always have a lot of meaning, most of which points us to things we may not understand. But through performing the traditions, they help us know and bring us to believe what the meaning points to. Jesus himself participated in traditions, such as the Passover Seder, but he also did away with traditions if they lost their true meaning. We should strive to do the same.
So anyway, that’s just one of the encounters I’ve had today. Other lessons: If you are simply kind to someone, by smiling and wishing them a great day, or by giving a ride home, it can impact them more than just the act itself. It really caught me off guard.
Today was a pretty obvious opportunity. I was supposed to go swimming at 10am, but when I called to find out the open hours, I learned that we couldn’t go swimming until 11. This left me in my apartment for an hour essentially just waiting. Just then, I heard a knock on the door. It was the man who was going to fix our refrigerator. It had been leaking for a few days. He quickly diagnosed the problem as ice build up, which meant he would have to melt all the ice that had frozen in the drain. He was going to be here for the next 45 minutes or so.
He started light conversation by asking where everyone in the apartment was from. Never actually thinking about this before, I realized that all my roommates are from different states. He asked how we knew each other and I said we met at church. Thus, finding out we’re Catholic. The conversation led to military life, college life, then back to faith. And as he heated water and scraped out chunks of ice, he told me his entire story. About how lost he was in high school and really searching in college. About the people he meet that influenced his life and the directions they led him. He told me he decided he couldn’t be a Christian if he was hypocritical in his beliefs and actions, and that he wanted to give up because he felt he couldn’t truly follow Christ. After going through details of where his life led him, he ended up pentecostal (although he said he belongs to an independent church and not the pentecostal church). He told me the exact time and day that he was saved.
We didn’t debate really, which I don’t think I could really do with a total stranger, but I feel as though I did share my faith with him. I’m getting better at having normal conversations about these things, but I need to improve. One thing he said, that I really wish I would have responded to better, is that he wanted to go back to the teachings of Jesus. He didn’t want anything added or taken away from it, no traditions, just follow what Jesus taught.
I thought of what I should have said later (and I will share as an attempt to redeem myself). Traditions should be looked at to make sure they have merit, but to do away with them just because they are traditions is wrong. Traditions always have a lot of meaning, most of which points us to things we may not understand. But through performing the traditions, they help us know and bring us to believe what the meaning points to. Jesus himself participated in traditions, such as the Passover Seder, but he also did away with traditions if they lost their true meaning. We should strive to do the same.
So anyway, that’s just one of the encounters I’ve had today. Other lessons: If you are simply kind to someone, by smiling and wishing them a great day, or by giving a ride home, it can impact them more than just the act itself. It really caught me off guard.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
6 Shots Sunday?
In the spirit of 7 Quick Takes Friday (mine will be 6 Shots Sunday, maybe...), I'll be giving short thoughts, in an attempt to not seem scattered (which, of course, I am).
I started RCIA last week. Although I feel a bit out of place (as I have no real reason to be there), I’m already glad I decided to go. It’s great to see so many people interested in the Catholic Church. Some people have been going to Mass for many years while most people there hardly know anything at all. To my surprise, my mechanics of materials professor is also going through the class, although she converted over 20 years ago. I think she wants her non-Catholic husband to come to RCIA with her. Please pray for those flirting with becoming Catholic.
My classes are going well. I’m finally taking an actual aerospace class (my very first) and am very excited about it. I’ve already learned how sound works. Pretty cool stuff. I’m also taking more math (differential equations) and a class (mechanics of materials) that is basically a continuation of my favorite class from last semester (statics). I’m looking forward to this semester, now all I have to do is my homework… I hope I can manage…
I’m also taking a world literature class. I never know what to think about these sorts of classes. I’m not the best at writing and analyzing, but I am very interested in the material. My only problem with classes like this is that it requires me to think too much, too quickly. Much like my ethics class, we go through a lot of material and ideas in one class discussion. I try to keep up with what is being said, taking in the main ideas, forming my own opinions, thinking of whether this new idea fits in with my belief system, and then trying to formulate a comment to share with the class, all before the next person starts talking. It requires a lot of my brain. I’m also not sure what I think of the professor yet. Right now we are reading creation stories, and while talking about the main ideas, he sneaks in some comparison with the bible or some comment on Christianity as a whole, even though we haven’t started talking about any part of the bible yet. It’s a bit frustrating, especially with the way he explains “Christianity’s basic beliefs“.
I found this new background and decided to change the look of the place. How do you like it?
I went on a retreat this weekend and had the opportunity to meet a great youth minister (check out his podcast). One of the things that I believe made him such a powerful speaker and an easy person to identify with is that he was so open with us. He talked to us about some of his struggles as a kid with his dwarfism and how it affected his life and faith. In discussions, he would share extremely personal stories with ease (even though that's his job, I'm sure it can't come completely natural). Later on, long after he left to drive back to northern Alabama, we were asked to be open with each other about our struggles and needs. In theory, being open doesn’t sound so hard, but in spontaneous real life, it’s a very hard thing to do, especially when you don’t get to pick the place or time, and you aren’t necessarily close to those whom you are sharing with. It would have been very easy to close off, give short and simple explanations to my trivial struggles and just leave it at that. I’m sure some chose to do that, as I almost did, but being honest with myself in front of others was a liberating experience, and I felt real prayer and concern. I guess it becomes what you make out of it. Being open is hard but is very worth it.
The readings this week were powerful. In the second reading, we are told to “keep oneself unstained by the world” (James 1:27) I like this image. We must be careful what we expose ourselves to, and more so, what we let into our hearts. God “planted” in us the word that can save us, but we must not smother it with the pollutions of this world. The Gospel was deafening. “Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile”. We can’t make excuses for how we are because of things that may have happened to us. We allow sin to come from us, we allow ourselves to be stained.
1
I started RCIA last week. Although I feel a bit out of place (as I have no real reason to be there), I’m already glad I decided to go. It’s great to see so many people interested in the Catholic Church. Some people have been going to Mass for many years while most people there hardly know anything at all. To my surprise, my mechanics of materials professor is also going through the class, although she converted over 20 years ago. I think she wants her non-Catholic husband to come to RCIA with her. Please pray for those flirting with becoming Catholic.
2
My classes are going well. I’m finally taking an actual aerospace class (my very first) and am very excited about it. I’ve already learned how sound works. Pretty cool stuff. I’m also taking more math (differential equations) and a class (mechanics of materials) that is basically a continuation of my favorite class from last semester (statics). I’m looking forward to this semester, now all I have to do is my homework… I hope I can manage…
3
I’m also taking a world literature class. I never know what to think about these sorts of classes. I’m not the best at writing and analyzing, but I am very interested in the material. My only problem with classes like this is that it requires me to think too much, too quickly. Much like my ethics class, we go through a lot of material and ideas in one class discussion. I try to keep up with what is being said, taking in the main ideas, forming my own opinions, thinking of whether this new idea fits in with my belief system, and then trying to formulate a comment to share with the class, all before the next person starts talking. It requires a lot of my brain. I’m also not sure what I think of the professor yet. Right now we are reading creation stories, and while talking about the main ideas, he sneaks in some comparison with the bible or some comment on Christianity as a whole, even though we haven’t started talking about any part of the bible yet. It’s a bit frustrating, especially with the way he explains “Christianity’s basic beliefs“.
4
I found this new background and decided to change the look of the place. How do you like it?
5
I went on a retreat this weekend and had the opportunity to meet a great youth minister (check out his podcast). One of the things that I believe made him such a powerful speaker and an easy person to identify with is that he was so open with us. He talked to us about some of his struggles as a kid with his dwarfism and how it affected his life and faith. In discussions, he would share extremely personal stories with ease (even though that's his job, I'm sure it can't come completely natural). Later on, long after he left to drive back to northern Alabama, we were asked to be open with each other about our struggles and needs. In theory, being open doesn’t sound so hard, but in spontaneous real life, it’s a very hard thing to do, especially when you don’t get to pick the place or time, and you aren’t necessarily close to those whom you are sharing with. It would have been very easy to close off, give short and simple explanations to my trivial struggles and just leave it at that. I’m sure some chose to do that, as I almost did, but being honest with myself in front of others was a liberating experience, and I felt real prayer and concern. I guess it becomes what you make out of it. Being open is hard but is very worth it.
6
The readings this week were powerful. In the second reading, we are told to “keep oneself unstained by the world” (James 1:27) I like this image. We must be careful what we expose ourselves to, and more so, what we let into our hearts. God “planted” in us the word that can save us, but we must not smother it with the pollutions of this world. The Gospel was deafening. “Nothing that enters one from outside can defile that person; but the things that come out from within are what defile”. We can’t make excuses for how we are because of things that may have happened to us. We allow sin to come from us, we allow ourselves to be stained.
Friday, August 28, 2009
A day in the life...
Over the summers I tend to forget why exactly it is that I’m in ROTC. Thinking of all the getting up early, ironing, protocol, endless email, long meetings, and working out (which is not one of my favorite things), I start to question my sanity. It seems I like to torture myself. But then the school year starts, and right off, every semester, I’m reminded why I put myself through all these things.
In the course of a day I can go from being totally apathetic towards it, to being mad, to being extremely inspired and then motivated, only to remember I hardly have time to do my homework. It can be a tiring process, but I normally go to bed happy with my decision to stick with it for another week.
My cadre (the actual Air Force officers and Airmen who are in charge of us) are some of the best people I’ve ever met. My class instructor, who I meet with at least twice a semester, is what I hope to be in the Air Force. The man is just so genuine and doesn’t feed me petty compliments or unnecessary criticism. Yet, he inspires me in a way I believe I can do anything and that everyone will be willing to help. Honestly, some days during field training the only thing that kept me going was not wanting to disappoint him.
He is showing me what it means to be a great leader. True respect, appreciation and investment in each person, while helping guide, and at times pushing, someone a certain way. I hope one day to gain enough respect and trust so that someone doesn’t want to disappoint me.
I’m also so thankful that I’m a part of the Air Force. From day one they stress how this is a family, which I always thought was pretty cheesy. Now, looking at the officers who help me out, I can really see that it is. I watched my friends grow up, in a way. Hearing of their struggles, seeing them succeed, and even better, getting scholarships, is fulfilling to me. I can’t see myself turning my back on it. From stories I hear from the other branches at Auburn, I don’t think they have a sense of family like we do. There is something about the Air Force that does feel like home, although I’m not completely comfortable. But maybe that’s a good thing.
A tid-bit of what we hear all the time:
In the course of a day I can go from being totally apathetic towards it, to being mad, to being extremely inspired and then motivated, only to remember I hardly have time to do my homework. It can be a tiring process, but I normally go to bed happy with my decision to stick with it for another week.
My cadre (the actual Air Force officers and Airmen who are in charge of us) are some of the best people I’ve ever met. My class instructor, who I meet with at least twice a semester, is what I hope to be in the Air Force. The man is just so genuine and doesn’t feed me petty compliments or unnecessary criticism. Yet, he inspires me in a way I believe I can do anything and that everyone will be willing to help. Honestly, some days during field training the only thing that kept me going was not wanting to disappoint him.
He is showing me what it means to be a great leader. True respect, appreciation and investment in each person, while helping guide, and at times pushing, someone a certain way. I hope one day to gain enough respect and trust so that someone doesn’t want to disappoint me.
I’m also so thankful that I’m a part of the Air Force. From day one they stress how this is a family, which I always thought was pretty cheesy. Now, looking at the officers who help me out, I can really see that it is. I watched my friends grow up, in a way. Hearing of their struggles, seeing them succeed, and even better, getting scholarships, is fulfilling to me. I can’t see myself turning my back on it. From stories I hear from the other branches at Auburn, I don’t think they have a sense of family like we do. There is something about the Air Force that does feel like home, although I’m not completely comfortable. But maybe that’s a good thing.
A tid-bit of what we hear all the time:
I hope that the United States of America has not yet passed the peak of honor and beauty, and that our people can still sustain certain simple philosophies at which some miserable souls feel it incumbent to sneer. I refer to some of the Psalms, and to the Gettysburg Address, and the Scout Oath. I refer to the Lord’s prayer, and to that other oath which a man must take when he stands with hand uplifted, and swears that he will defend his Country.
None of these words described, or the beliefs behind them, can be sung to modern music. But they are there, like rocks and oaks, structurally sound and proven. They are more than rocks and oaks; they are the wing and the prayer of the future.
Whether we venture into realms of Space in our latest vehicles, or whether we are concerned principally with overhauling our engines and loading our ordnance here on the ground, we will still be part of a vast proud mechanism which must function cleanly if it is to function at all.
...Crank her up. Let’s go.-General Curtis E. LeMay, US Air Force
Monday, August 24, 2009
The silent calm
For the first time in a long while, I feel strangely calm. I don’t have this sense to change everything in my life and do it all at once. I feel really good about where I am.
I think sometimes God tells us to just keep on doing what we’re doing, because that’s what I’m getting right now. It isn’t that He has stopped leading, maybe it’s that I’ve stopped resisting. I talked to my mom last night. It was the first time I really talked to her about field training. After catching her up on some highlights of that month, she asked about when I would submit my packet to the pilot selection board. And for the first time I explained, without crying, rage, or extreme frustration, that I will never be a pilot. I said again that there are no waivers for height, and that being a pilot is no longer an option for me. For the first time, I accepted it when others have not. It is not my place to question God’s plan. I have to do what He says and believe in the Truth. All other fantasies I may dream up from that, I must let go.
It’s not an easy path, at least it hasn’t been for me. God has asked me to do many hard things, and sometimes I feel as if I’m not strong enough to endure them. I wonder if God is making a mistake by calling me to some situations. What do I have to offer? I think others can always do a better job than me, and say much more eloquently what I’ve been rambling on about. He has made me slow down. I have had to be still and silent so many times in order to feel His tapping, and barely make out His whisper. But those are the times He knew I would be listening closely. Whenever I’m on a crazy roller coaster with the tracks in the wrong direction, God has thrown Himself at me and has shown me miracles. He knew only that could have caught my attention at the time.
I can’t question anymore. If I did, I would be the biggest idiot in the world. I’m going to wait and see where He takes me. It’ll be much better than anything I can think up anyway.
Lord of peace, enter this house.
I think sometimes God tells us to just keep on doing what we’re doing, because that’s what I’m getting right now. It isn’t that He has stopped leading, maybe it’s that I’ve stopped resisting. I talked to my mom last night. It was the first time I really talked to her about field training. After catching her up on some highlights of that month, she asked about when I would submit my packet to the pilot selection board. And for the first time I explained, without crying, rage, or extreme frustration, that I will never be a pilot. I said again that there are no waivers for height, and that being a pilot is no longer an option for me. For the first time, I accepted it when others have not. It is not my place to question God’s plan. I have to do what He says and believe in the Truth. All other fantasies I may dream up from that, I must let go.
It’s not an easy path, at least it hasn’t been for me. God has asked me to do many hard things, and sometimes I feel as if I’m not strong enough to endure them. I wonder if God is making a mistake by calling me to some situations. What do I have to offer? I think others can always do a better job than me, and say much more eloquently what I’ve been rambling on about. He has made me slow down. I have had to be still and silent so many times in order to feel His tapping, and barely make out His whisper. But those are the times He knew I would be listening closely. Whenever I’m on a crazy roller coaster with the tracks in the wrong direction, God has thrown Himself at me and has shown me miracles. He knew only that could have caught my attention at the time.
I can’t question anymore. If I did, I would be the biggest idiot in the world. I’m going to wait and see where He takes me. It’ll be much better than anything I can think up anyway.
Lord of peace, enter this house.
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