Being hurt by those you love and revealing God

Tonight I feel empty and distant from everyone. I’ve lost a lot of friends. I have been hurt a lot by those I consider myself closest to. This semester has been a train-wreck. I'm glad its over and Christmas (a very joyous time) is almost here!

I’ve begun a new way of dealing with my feelings. No matter what I’m feeling (lately, neglected and unloved), I relate it to Jesus. This can be applied to almost every human emotion, especially when dealing with relationships.

This week we anticipate Jesus' coming! This is certainly a joyous thing (for us). But I can’t stop focusing on how much this reveals about God.

God, the All Powerful, made himself vulnerable to us. First in Mary, as she had to agree to accept Jesus. Then he makes himself vulnerable in becoming a baby, the most vulnerable thing there is! A little baby is completely helpless. He depends on someone else for everything. It’s amazing that God trusted his severely imperfect humans with this! This was his Son!

Coming down to earth was HUGE! The only motivator there could have been is love, because it involved so much pain. The Father knew what would happen to Jesus. Not just what would happen on the cross, but in his whole life. Jesus would be ridiculed, mocked, ignored, hated, and ultimately killed. These actions are amplified by the fact that Jesus is love. He loved every single person who did these things to him. He created them and he would die for them. Still, they rejected him. Still, we reject him. Jesus is the poster child for unrequited love!

Out of every person who has ever lived, Jesus had it the worst. I can’t fathom how he did it. What it must have taken for the Father to give his Son to us!

It is a glorious thing that he came to us, but it is so incredibly painful. There is no greater love than what God has given for us. We must be so miserable and helpless that the only way to save us was for him to do that! Otherwise, he would have found another way. God reveals himself through a vulnerable poor child, and all he asks for is our love. He has given us everything. After knowing how much love he poured onto us and the world, how can we not want to do that?

Jesus has saved me once again from being hopeless. If he came to us, knowing of all the pain that would ensue and still was willing to endure it, surely my own pain is nothing to dwell over. I am loved, so deeply loved.

(I think Anne is getting at the same idea.)

Just what I need

It’s exciting that it’s advent. A new year has started, a time to let things go and to look to the future. This year I am trying to embrace what the season of advent is all about: preparation and waiting (two things I’ve never been too good at). Advent is a highly ignored season. It just seems to get in the way of everything else. We have started the family reunions, counted our blessings, and enjoyed the ending of the year: we want to celebrate. But the Church says “not yet”. I must admit, I want to sing Christmas songs (I LOVE them!!), decorate my room, and do everything else “Christmas”. But now is not the time for that. It is a time to be silent, to be still.

Everything else in my life, however, is screaming at me to go faster! I must to do that, go here, send that, finish this, see so and so. There’s only how many shopping days left? If we fall into this trap it is easy to see why we become worn out and sick of Christmas, even before Christmas Eve!

This year, I want to learn to be still. I want to learn how to wait. I made a goal for myself today: I want to be less anxious about life (especially after yesterday's gospel). There’s no better time for this than advent! Although controlling my Christmas cheer until after the 24th is already proving to be a challenge, I know that if I attempt to mirror my life on the life of the Church, things would probably go much smoother for me. I can’t wait (but hopefully that will change!)!