Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Desires of the Heart

I have no idea what I need. (Or want, really)

I think I’ve really missed the boat on this one. Somehow I’ve never quite realized that all my prayers to “give me whatever I need” and “let your will be done” were really just a cover up for the fact I have no clue what either of those things are.

A priest told me to persistently and boldly ask for the desires of my heart, and in those desires lies God’s will for my life. So I had to ask myself, what are those desires? And……I didn’t get far.

I don’t know.

It’s not that I don’t ask God for things. I do all the time! I ask for strength almost every moment of the day. I ask my guardian angel to carry me when I’m running. I even asked to grow taller (and it worked!). But to ask for the desires of my heart? I have never done that because I don’t even know what those are.

After this struck me (which was like finding out Santa doesn’t exist) I tried to start somewhere. The result was a very short list of things I always find immense satisfaction in. They are pretty vague, and I wouldn’t classify them as “desires”. But that’s it. That’s all I got.

Maybe I’ve always been like this. I remember having to write an essay in 7th grade on a goal or accomplishment we wanted to achieve in life, and I wrote mine on being happy. I guess I’ve never been much for particulars.

But we should know ourselves. I want to ask for the desires of my heart. God put them there, and I should find out what that is. But here I am, still “unknown”. I suppose I’ll do what I always do and ask God to take care of it.

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