Over Here

My mom is back in the United States! She made it back Saturday night and I was finally able to talk to her. She sounds even better than the last time we spoke.

Although I haven't been so good with the gratitude on here, I think this is a great thing to be thankful for. Thanks to St. Rita and St. Michael for their constant prayers and protection and to God who kept her safe and happy too. I thank Him for this absurd twist that has brought much growth to our family and much needed perspective. She is debriefing in Washington State and should be back home by the end of the month! Thanks to everyone who also prayed for her. It really meant a lot.

Update

My mom's deployment in Iraq is almost up. She should be back in the United States by the end of January and back at home by the end of February. I eagerly anticipate her return. She plans on getting her scuba certification so we can have maximum fun in the gulf over spring break. While there, she got to visit Baghdad (some pictures are below) and had a four day pass to Qatar (but wasn't able to see much due to "incidents").

I believe this is the desert sanctuary. Haha

The camel wranglers.

She got to ride a camel.

One of Saddam's palaces, I believe.

The bathrooms inside.

She's at the head of course!

On her way back to COB Basra!

It's weird to think that most likely she will be returning (possibly to Afghanistan) in the next few months. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, but ultimately, it's her decision, and she is really excited about it. Please pray for my family and all those that are continuing to serve overseas.

This is my Christmas present from my mom. The flag was flown on the two year anniversary of my grandma's death.

Unexpectantly Beautiful

I have grown so much this semester. Looking back, it’s amazing to me to see what has happened and how I’ve changed within it. This semester will always be defined, at least in part, as the semester my mom was deployed. What a journey that has been (and it‘s not even over)! Just in talking with her, it makes me so proud of her, my family, my country and everyone else over there. Not only that but also everyone here who supports them. If you’ve ever sent a card, cookie or chipped in money for phone cards or anything else, know that it has made a huge impact in their life. It is greatly appreciated.

This was also the semester after field training. Many things in my life (internal and external) have changed because of it. I feel I can more maturely discern the military path now that I’m more entrenched in it. I’ve learned this semester, what I’ve felt all along: the military is where I belong.

Sporadically I’m asked why I want to go into the military. I’ve always have had a lot of reasons for it. Until recently they were mainly selfish (good benefits, see the world, keep in shape, steady job) but now I’ve been exposed to a whole new list of why I know this is what I’m called to do. Mostly it’s been realized through my mom.

Out of all her children, I’m the most like her. We both are pretty independent, we have flexible but strong ideas, and we have to be doing something. Thinking of her over there is a really strange idea. I questioned if this was really part of the plan. But how stupid I was! God had this planned the entire time. I can go through all the different foreshowings up to where we are now, but that’s beside the point. Something has happened to her during her time in Iraq. She has seen God in a very real way. She has learned what submission really is, and also how that translates to her marriage. Although not perfectly, she has learned how to wait, how to love, how to accept. I want to grow the way she has.

The mediation from Pope Benedict XVI (in the book Benedictus) for December 6th goes really well with this theme (I‘ll just give you the whole thing):

The human being does not trust God. Tempted by the serpent, he harbors the suspicion that in the end, God takes something away from his life, that God is a rival who curtails our freedom and that we will be fully human only when we have cast him aside… The human being lives in the suspicion that God’s love creates a dependence and that he must rid himself of this dependency if he is to be fully himself. Man does not want to receive his existence and the fullness of his life from God. He himself wants to obtain from the tree of knowledge the power to shape the world, to make himself a god, raising himself to God’s level, and to overcome death and darkness with his own efforts. He does not want to rely on love that to him seems untrustworthy; he relies solely on his own knowledge since it confers power upon him. Rather than on love, he sets his sights on power, with which he desires to take his own life autonomously in hand. And in doing so, he trusts in deceit rather than in truth and thereby sinks with his life into emptiness, into death. Love is not dependence but a gift that makes us live… We live in the right way if we live in accordance with the truth of our being, and that is, in accordance with God’s will. For God’s will is not a law for the human being imposed from the outside and that constrains him, but the intrinsic measure of his nature, a measure that is engraved within him and makes him the image of God, hence, a free creature.

God, through my mother and more generally, through my experience with the military, has taught me to trust Him. Instead of questioning, I should be more inclined to accept, especially if I’m in the midst of a hardship. Instead of despairing, I should praise God! Really, everything does work out! Life is a great adventure, one that has God’s hand on it the entire way!

I’ve learned that not only does God have an awesome plan, that is being played out right now for you, but it also involves putting you exactly where (physically, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually) you need to be to experience Him and learn what you need to and grow in love for Him. Really, the military is prefect for that.

Just tonight my mom was telling me about a saying that gets thrown out a lot over there (I’m sure you’ve heard it): Let go and let God. This sentence becomes a way of life over there. You have a unique chance to really and completely trust God. I mean, what else are you going to do?

How often do we second-guess God? Do we really think and believe that what he has in store of us is THE best possible plan that could ever happen?

How much easier will this life be if we stop worrying about things we can’t change, and instead embrace each situation as the opportunity to grow closer to God. Indeed that is what every situation presents to us. How often to we pass it up? How often do we say, “not today God, I think I have it all figured out now, I’ll take it from here”?

This week, I’m striving to be like the kings, who saw the sign (the Star) and set off. Not really knowing where to go, or what may happen, they trusted. They didn’t need a long list of reasons (as I like to have) in order to be convinced. They had a childlike faith. A faith where they knew that no matter what happened, it not only would be okay, but that it would be the best thing that could happen!

God is great and so beautiful!

Over in Iraq...

The deployment has seemed to level out. Things are becoming normal, and my mom has found a routine. A long, boring, same every single day routine, but a routine. One way the people keep from going crazy in the midst of a 12-14 hour workday, is candy, shopping and throwing. People, as a way to get a break, go visit others and grab some candy along the way. I figure, the better candy you have, the more friends too. Candy is the one food item that isn’t readily available there (my mom eats VERY well), so I make sure to send her lots of candy. She also tells me that there are these tables set up where people put unwanted items, from care packages or something like that, for anyone to take. People walk around and go “shopping”. My mom says you can find anything you can think of on those tables. And the last tactic of enduring boredom is just throw things across the cubicles. Beenie babies, nerf balls, rubber bands, all sorts of things go flying. I’m also stocking my mom up in that category as well!

My mom’s deployment has brought a lot of unforeseen opportunities. For example, in the little bit of free time she has, she devotes a lot of it to going to a bible study. It is lead by another solider there, one, I’m guessing, who is really into the subject. The theme of the bible study is salvation history. I think it’s great that every time we talk, she tells me about where they are in the study and how interesting it is. Last I heard, they finished Exodus. I guess her biggest struggle is being able to read the chapters before they meet (as she normally falls asleep right away at night, HAHA!)

She also told me about a special Mass that she was able to attend. The bishop of Basra came in for a visit and celebrated the Mass in the Chaldean Rite spoken in Aramaic. My mom, knowing that I’m interested in the Latin Mass, couldn’t stop talking about it and she had a lot of questions. But I, of course, hardly know anything. I’ve never even heard of this before. But either way, it was interesting hearing her explain the order of Mass (which, she said it seemed, is only slightly different than the Roman Rite). The Church always has something new to learn!

Sadly, they don’t have enough priests to have one at every base so they have a Mass (instead of a prayer service) every 3-4 weeks or so. She also keeps busy with yoga (which makes me laugh at the thought of) and concerts they have almost every week (if the weather is good enough for the band to come in). She even got to make an appearance on tv September 11th, when the Minnesota Vikings played (she is a part of the Minnesota National guard unit), even though she had to wake up at 2am her time. I hope to watch the video of that soon.

It makes me happy to know that she is doing well and is growing in her faith (in Iraq of all places).

Peace and love!

Update on LTC Yusckat

Its finally hit. My mom is deployed. Such a silly statement. I've known this for a while now, but I've actually come to know it now. It started when I missed her call yesterday. I was so upset because I haven't spoken to her in almost 2 weeks now, we've only been emailing. If I miss her call, I've missed it. There is no way to call back because she has to go through many lines, and it doesn't trace back all the way. It weird because it's not like things have really changed for me. I'm still all by myself in Auburn. I don't see her everyday, just like before, and I don't talk to her everyday, which is pretty close to before. I think this is why it's taken so long for it to be real. Up until now, I would still picture her at home, making dinner, playing solitaire, going to work. Just like I've always done. Only now I know that's not where she really is. She could be here:

or someplace else equally small. It's not that I feel worse because she hates it or is living in awful conditions. The above picture is her only living space (the only thing not shown is the small closet behind her that she shares with her roommate). She seems do be doing pretty well. She gets up at 4am and makes her phone calls, then goes walking/jogging, breakfast, then work is from 7:30 to 8:30 at night. She kinda gets Sundays off (she has to be at work at 6pm) and she says the laundry service and food are really good. She will also primarily be working in an office, which is great news. But in how she talks to me, I know that it is hard on her. She tries so hard to cover it up (and she is really good at it too). For the most part, I've never seen my mom struggling with something. I think the hardest thing is not being able to do hardly anything to help her.

I realized recently that when I can talk about something, especially in public settings, I've come to accept it, at least subliminally (in some way). This past week I've been openly talking about my mom and every time I do it scares me. I know practically no one knows that my mom is deployed right now (because I haven't told them), but I bring up the subject like they do. The looks on their faces is odd to me. It may be because they just weren't aware and they don't want to look like they missed something, but the look suggests something else, kinda like, "I have no idea what to say". It's hard to see those looks.

I've been surrounded with everything military my whole life. I was born on an Army base in California to 2 parents both in the Army, and I've lived next to Fort Bragg, NC (the largest base in the world by population) for 15 years. My family tree is full of war vets and my grandpa was a POW in WWII. I've grown up with military kids who had active and deployed parents, I worked 2 summers as a lifeguard at pools for the on-base families, and I've experienced war-time deaths, one being the father of an old friend and the second a classmate. Even still, I entered AFROTC and heard all kinds of semi-terrifying stories from the officers who have been deployed. All of this and it still only slightly prepares you for the reality of your own mother being in a war-zone.

Maybe it's the fact that I know too much. I hear stories from friends that have been deployed, sometimes multiple times, about how they were shot at or how they almost froze one night. My mom also told me about some of her training. If she is traveling in an armored humvee, and it rolls into a drainage ditch (which she explained to me is very easy to do), rescuers have about 2 minutes to pull them out before they all drown (this is how Steven Elrod, a fellow high school student, died). Maybe it's because I know too little. I can't really imagine exactly how it is, and therefore how safe it is. But either way, I can't think about it. Every time I do I become overwhelmed with sadness about what could happen. I haven't had much time to think about it lately because I've been so busy, but whenever I'm alone, it's one of the first things I think of.

A daily meditation book (with Pope Benedict’s writings) has given me some comfort.

God brings Abraham out from among his family and sets him on a certain path. When it comes down to it, everyone has to undergo his own exodus. He… has to come out of his own reserved self. ... only then will he reach the Promised Land, so to speak - the sphere of freedom, in which he plays his part in creation.

I guess this is like my mom’s exodus. I really can’t do anything to intervene (even if I wanted to). I guess we’ll see what happens next.

Please pray for those I know who are entering the military or who are deployed right now:
Mary Yusckat (my mom) - Iraq
David Laes (my cousin) - Iraq
Grant Mattocks - Iraq
Shawn Nguyen - Afghanistan
"Nick" - Afghanistan
David Kavin - Afghanistan
Khristopher Alexander - Afghanistan (within the next week)
Curtis Elliot Jr. - AF Basic Training (within the week)
Samuel Culotta - finishing Army Basic Training
numerous friends at field training