Being hurt by those you love and revealing God

Tonight I feel empty and distant from everyone. I’ve lost a lot of friends. I have been hurt a lot by those I consider myself closest to. This semester has been a train-wreck. I'm glad its over and Christmas (a very joyous time) is almost here!

I’ve begun a new way of dealing with my feelings. No matter what I’m feeling (lately, neglected and unloved), I relate it to Jesus. This can be applied to almost every human emotion, especially when dealing with relationships.

This week we anticipate Jesus' coming! This is certainly a joyous thing (for us). But I can’t stop focusing on how much this reveals about God.

God, the All Powerful, made himself vulnerable to us. First in Mary, as she had to agree to accept Jesus. Then he makes himself vulnerable in becoming a baby, the most vulnerable thing there is! A little baby is completely helpless. He depends on someone else for everything. It’s amazing that God trusted his severely imperfect humans with this! This was his Son!

Coming down to earth was HUGE! The only motivator there could have been is love, because it involved so much pain. The Father knew what would happen to Jesus. Not just what would happen on the cross, but in his whole life. Jesus would be ridiculed, mocked, ignored, hated, and ultimately killed. These actions are amplified by the fact that Jesus is love. He loved every single person who did these things to him. He created them and he would die for them. Still, they rejected him. Still, we reject him. Jesus is the poster child for unrequited love!

Out of every person who has ever lived, Jesus had it the worst. I can’t fathom how he did it. What it must have taken for the Father to give his Son to us!

It is a glorious thing that he came to us, but it is so incredibly painful. There is no greater love than what God has given for us. We must be so miserable and helpless that the only way to save us was for him to do that! Otherwise, he would have found another way. God reveals himself through a vulnerable poor child, and all he asks for is our love. He has given us everything. After knowing how much love he poured onto us and the world, how can we not want to do that?

Jesus has saved me once again from being hopeless. If he came to us, knowing of all the pain that would ensue and still was willing to endure it, surely my own pain is nothing to dwell over. I am loved, so deeply loved.

(I think Anne is getting at the same idea.)

Home

I am so excited to be back in Auburn. I’ve almost forgotten why I love this place so much. No where else can I be who I am in Auburn. It was so good seeing some of my dear friends today and catching up on how similar our lives are. I think I realized what it takes to be good friends with me and to make me happy. As long as I can endlessly talk about God, Jesus, Mary, the saints, and the Church with you, we are all set! Really, if we talked of nothing else, I probably wouldn’t even notice. This summer above all else has shown me that I probably am a Catholic freak. But what can I say? It makes me happy. And to know so many Catholic people who are also borderline obsessed with it and love to talk about all things religious too, just makes me feel like I have a real home!

School starts in a week and there is an odd feeling in the air. It’s the sadness of a summer gone and goodbyes said. It’s the realization of classes starting soon. It’s a nervous excitement for a new semester. But it’s a feeling of everything working out right. I feel almost like I’m starting over this year. So much has happened last year and this summer that I almost feel like a completely new and wiser person. Maybe a person who can really take in Auburn for everything it has to offer. It’s exciting. I can’t wait to see what this semester brings and where it will take me.

Peace and love!