Still lost

I’ve been constantly disappointed this semester. It’s not that things aren't going well, they are. It's that something vital seems to be missing. I am lonely. Recently, I’ve made some big steps to being totally fulfilled by God, but it seems to be for naught because then I backtrack and still feel like I’m missing out on something. It’s hard to be patient, and even harder to be content. When a door closes or you see something you were excited for dwindle away, it’s sad. It’s not that I don’t think something else great will take it’s place, but that that opportunity is dead. It will never come to existence, it was a fantasy, an option, that I now have to move on from. I’ve felt all that I’ve done recently is accept things. Accepting means I won’t try to make it into something greater or different than the reality. My world seems duller. People don’t seem as interesting. I realize just how inadequate and lonely I am. And while my first reaction is to run back to my fantasies, I know that causes more pain overall, and I would rather live in the truth, even if it’s not all exciting.

After reading this, I feel that I seem to have no hope for the future, but I think it’s just because I would rather have the future I want, that I’ve imagined. How do I change my mindset from being sad at my thwarted plans and excited again for life, right now? Every time I try to have hope for the future, I begin to fantasize again, and the cycle repeats. I think I expect way to much from everyone and everything. No wonder I’m always disappointed. I know the stock answer, but what do I do if that isn’t working?